Contraband foodstuffs Wibby’s 10-pound dachshund has secretly dragged under the bed and eaten during the past two weeks:

• three granola bars
• two small boxes of raisins
• one bag of gorp
• one-third of a large box of dog treats
• a previously unopened bag of Swedish Fish
• an avocado
  

And that’s not counting the two cups of coffee she climbed up on the coffee table to drink.