The World According to Wibby

Author Archives: The World According to Wibby

About The World According to Wibby

Wibby grew up on a Depression-era peanut farm, but, at 80, she has seen enough of the world to know what she thinks about it. This blog records her stories, her opinions, and her random observations.There's a lot of conversations with doctors, too. Also a fair amount of bad behavior on the part of Emma, an obese miniature dachshund, who got her name because she reminds Wibby of Gwyneth Paltrow playing a character in Jane Austen.

Someone would like very much to be left alone

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized August 17, 2011

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RoboWibby

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized August 2, 2011

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In which Wibby first encounters the concept of performance art

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized July 29, 2011

“Well, how drunk do you have to be to enjoy that kind of a show?”

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Freebird

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized July 26, 2011

Margaret: You haven’t gotten out of your gown yet?

Wibby: Nope.

Margaret: Are you sick?

Wibby: No, I just didn’t feel like getting dressed. I’m eighty years old now, and I can do whatever in the hell I want.

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In which Wibby tells her grandchildren the story of how she came to be born in her own grandmother’s bed

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized July 23, 2011
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Homeopathic medicine

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized July 13, 2011

Margaret: Feeling any better today?

Wibby: Yes, but my back is still bothering me a little.

Margaret: Maybe I should give the doctor a call.

Wibby: No, I think all my back really needs is a milkshake.

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In which Wibby contemplates dinner

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized July 9, 2011

Wibby: Oh, I woke you up!

Margaret: That’s okay; I need to get up anyway.

Wibby: Oh, good. I’ve been wondering what we’re having for supper tonight.

Margaret: Mom, it’s 8 in the morning.

Wibby: I know. I’ve been wondering about it for the last two hours.

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Wibby’s vision

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized June 29, 2011

Eye doctor: Did either of your parents suffer macular degeneration?

Wibby: No.

Eye doctor: Is either of your parents still living?

Wibby: Doctor, you need to have your eyes checked. Can’t you see how old I am?

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Bucket hat, summer edition

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized June 10, 2011

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Someone’s been a naughty girl

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized June 7, 2011

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Heading to the dentist, trying to be brave

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized May 23, 2011

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An unexpected side effect of cicada infestation

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized May 18, 2011

Margaret: What’s that?

Wibby: Oh, it’s just a really messy pile of dog poop; I think Emma ate too many cicadas.

Margaret: But it’s white.

Wibby: That’s because I sprinkled a little flour on it.

Margaret: Mom, why did you sprinkle flour on the dog diarrhea?

Wibby: Just to give my nosy daughter something to wonder about.

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In which Wibby draws the line

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized May 10, 2011

“Well, I give up. I was working in the yard, and FOUR cicadas landed on my neck, and that’s when I came inside. I can’t plant flowers during a plague.”

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The reason doctors love Wibby

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized May 6, 2011

“I’m so happy to meet you, Dr. Lee. I can tell you make people feel better just by walking in the room.”

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Before Wibby loved bucket hats, she loved circle skirts

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized May 6, 2011

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In which Wibby contemplates the male form

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized May 2, 2011

Wibby: Oh, good Lord, just look at that man’s shoulders!

Margaret: Mom, I never knew you had a thing for shoulders.

Wibby: Well, it’s true. But your father didn’t take part in the kinds of sports that build up big shoulders, and I loved every square inch of him anyway.

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Happy Easter from Wibby (who made her own outfit – and everyone else’s, too)

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized April 24, 2011

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Wibby is afraid of the dentist

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized April 14, 2011

Margaret: Mom, you’re not wearing your seatbelt.

Wibby: That’s because I’m hoping you’ll turn a corner real sharp and throw me out of the car.

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In which, without a word, Emma rejects Wibby’s bucket hat

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized April 6, 2011

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In which Wibby rides out the storm

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized April 4, 2011

Margaret: Mom, you need to go sit in the hallway till the tornado siren stops sounding.

Wibby: Well, I can’t do that. When I saw what a mess it is out there, I just thought, ‘Oh, what the hell. I might as well take my pants off and go back to bed.’ So I did, and I’m not leaving now.

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Generational Detente

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized March 31, 2011

“I know I can be a bitch sometimes, but you can be a bitch sometimes, too, so I figure it all works out in the wash.”

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In which Tony sings to Wibby

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized March 30, 2011
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In which Wibby waits for Tony Bennett to arrive

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized March 30, 2011

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Sam isn’t sure what he thinks about Wibby’s hat

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized March 25, 2011

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This is not your grandma’s Sunday morning service

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized March 14, 2011
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In which Wibby has a secret

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized March 13, 2011
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The effects of seasonal-affective disorder

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized March 2, 2011

Nurse: How have you been feeling since we last saw you?

Wibby: I’ve been feeling just fine, except whenever it snows for a week. Then I don’t feel good, I don’t act good, and I’m mean to people.

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In which Wibby does her best Scarlett O’Hara impersonation

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized February 17, 2011

“Now, when you come home tonight, DON’T walk between the car and the garage because Emma pooped over there. I started out to scoop it up, but it was way down there on the ground, so I just dropped the spade and came on in the house. I’ll worry about it tomorrow.”

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Wibby and Blind Pew

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized January 27, 2011

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In which Wibby models her favorite bucket hat

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized January 23, 2011

 

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Wibby is fond of bucket hats

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized January 23, 2011

Wibby: Will you get on your computer and order this bucket hat for me?

Margaret: Mom, you have a million bucket hats.

Wibby: No, I don’t; I have six, and the last time I checked, Miss Smartypants, there were still seven days in the week.

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Someone thinks she’s a Christmas present

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized December 24, 2010

 

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Old-lady telepathy

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized December 1, 2010

Wibby: Help me think of the name of a movie. It has Jane Wyman and Rock Hudson in it.

Marie: What’s the plot?

Wibby: They fall in love!

Marie: Is it “Magnificent Obsession”?

Wibby: That’s it!

 

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Wibby, the Auburn graduate

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized October 28, 2010

“I tell you what, the nicest thing about living in Tennessee is not having to listen to all those awful Roll Tide fans.”

 

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Dappled dachshund in dappled light

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized October 18, 2010

 

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Sun goddess

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized October 18, 2010

 

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Wibby’s latest dachshund-deluding tactic

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized September 8, 2010

“I need to come over to comb my hair and put on my lipstick. If Emma sees me getting ready to go out, she hides under the sofa so I can’t put her in the crate.”

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Mayonnaise Queen

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized August 7, 2010

Margaret: Are you putting mayonnaise on your pasta?

Wibby: I’m putting mayonnaise on my pasta AND my salad. I might put mayonnaise on my foot, too, in case you’re wondering.”

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Wibby has big plans for her birthday

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized July 23, 2010

“I’m celebrating by going to the beauty shop. I’m sick and tired of looking like a Halloween witch.”

 

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And drinks pretty much anything, too

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized July 23, 2010

Henry: We need syrup.

Haywood: I just bought a whole thing of syrup.

Henry: But Emma drank it all when she climbed up on the table that time.

 

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Haywood and Wibby were born on the same day

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized July 23, 2010

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In fact, Emma eats pretty much anything

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized July 19, 2010

 

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Introducing Wibby’s dog, Emma

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized July 19, 2010

Contraband foodstuffs Wibby’s 10-pound dachshund has secretly dragged under the bed and eaten during the past two weeks:

  • three granola bars
  • two small boxes of raisins
  • one bag of gorp
  • one-third of a large box of dog treats
  • a previously unopened bag of Swedish Fish
  • an avocado

And that’s not counting the two cups of coffee she climbed up on the coffee table to drink.

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In Which Wibby watches her grandson’s prom video

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized June 19, 2010

“Oh, those poor girls’ feet. No one can dance in those shoes. Someone should line up all the shoe designers in this country and shoot them in the head.”

 

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In which Wibby considers target practice

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized June 6, 2010

“I’ve never run over an animal in my life, but I bet I could get a squirrel if I tried.”

 

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In which Wibby and Margaret celebrate (perhaps a little too exuberantly) Sam’s graduation

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized May 30, 2010

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Wibby and Billy wait in a very hot gym for Sam to graduate

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized May 30, 2010

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Fifty years ago today

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized May 21, 2010


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It’s fun to make Wibby happy

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized May 17, 2010

Margaret: Did Wibby like the milkshake you took her?

Joe: She LOVED it! She actually squealed when she saw it. It’s nice to do stuff for people who squeal when they’re happy.

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Wibby’s Easter proclamation

Posted by The World According to Wibby in Uncategorized April 5, 2010

“I’m so happy. Jesus is risen, and I can wear my white pants.”

 

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